MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!

Isn't it so great how vocal Siamese cats are? It's like they're having a conversation with you! They think they're people, and that's adorable. Well let me tell you: not at four in the morning, it's not adorable.

Sasha has begun a campaign of terror, and is unable or unwilling to communicate what her demands are. If she even has demands. She has food. She has water. She has me. What the hell else could a cat want? Whatever it is, she wants it at four in the morning and in her mind, the only way to get it is to walk around yowling.

I have to commend her, she was clever enough to discover that by going into the bathroom, she can treble the volume of her voice thanks to the tiled walls. Fortunately I was clever enough to begin shutting the bathroom door when I went to bed. However, my opposable thumbs will only get me so far in this war. I need to sleep at night, while she has all day to laze about, recovering from her nightly sonatas.

I've tried to think like a cat to figure out what she wants. The only thing I can figure is that she's looking for Tasha, her sister. They've never been apart for more than a week in the ten years that we've had them, and maybe she doesn't like being an only-cat. And before you start feeling sorry for her, know that to all outward appearances, they don't even like each other. Sasha beats the crap out of Tasha for sleeping on anything she has deemed as her own. For Tasha's part, the only time I see her interacting with Sasha is when she chases her around the basement, paw extended to scoop in and then gnaw on Sasha's back leg. Maybe I'm misinterpreting that, but I know my sisters and I don't bond like that. Well, not literally anyway.

I don't know what to do here. I've tried everything. That's a lie. I've tried two things: throwing pillows at where her voice is in the darkness, and scritching my fingers on the bed to entice her to jump up, curl up and (most importantly) shut up. I implore anyone with any understanding of cat psychology to help me out here... not only are classes starting soon, but I have friends coming at the end of this week and I certainly don't need her waking everyone up all night long. I'm open to any suggestions except for drugging her, but if your suggestion is really well-worded or asking my address to send me said drugs free of charge, I will totally take it under consideration. Help!