Pepper and Ass

Bought some new body wash the last time I was at the ol' Jewel-Osco... yeah, I know how to treat myself right. I decided to go for the grapefruit and lemongrass scented Dove. It's supposed to energize you, and with two 7 am tumor boards a week I need all the energy I can get. It smelled pretty good in the store. Citrusy. However, the story changed when it combined with water.

Chemical reactions of an unspeakable nature combined to create the one of the top three foulest stenches I've ever been trapped in a shower with. (Don't ask.) It was a overbearing, peppery stank. And I mean both pepper the spice and Pepper my family's dead rabbit who's been decaying underground in an HP printer box for quite some time now. Pepper and skunk. Pepper and hot wet garbage.

I thought I was clear of the stink but a few hours later while sitting at the computer in clinic, I caught a whiff of it. Oh, God no. It was lingering and combining with my perfume to give me a light, delicate aura of peppered ass. Not to say that my perfume smells of ass. It was some chemical reaction or something. I can't explain it. Science.

It seemed to come and go all day, so I avoided getting close to anyone lest they begin to question my personal hygiene. After all, it was bathing that got me into this mess. I had to go back to Jewel-Osco tonight so I bought new body wash: swirly blue with an ocean-fresh scent. Until the water hits it, anyway. Hopefully I smell better tomorrow.

Broken.

Here is an amazing list of the things that I own that have broken recently.

1. My DVD player's sound amplifies the music and sound effects and minimizes the dialogue. This happened a while ago actually but I recently got Netflix so it's come up again.

2. Driving back to Chicago I realized a little door on the dashboard of my car won't stay closed. Some stupid plastic part of the hinge is broken. The corner of it digs right into my knee while I drive. It's great.

3. Got new headphones in the mail courtesy of a lifetime warranty! Whee! One of the earbuds exploded the other day (less than a month after receiving them) and I am now forced to half-listen to idiots on the bus and train. Thanks a pantload, Koss.

4. Took my necklace off today and the chain broke. Wonderful.

5. Had an allergic reaction to something on my legs that resulted in some extremely broken skin. Yeah, that's probably reaching. But it was AWFUL. Itching to the point where my legs were twitching involuntarily, it hurt to touch and my only option for sleeping was pounding a few Benadryl. Wow, when I put it it like that maybe I should have sought medical attention. Eh, it's clearing up now.

6. Laptop. This one's painful. The screen had been pink for a while, but thanks to the store I bought it from going out of business, my warranty couldn't be extended like I had planned. I put up with the pink for about four months (after a while you don't even notice it, I swear! Just don't put it near anything that's actually white) and then one morning the poor little guy flickered and went black. If I shined a flashlight on the screen I can see the icons, (what, this wouldn't be your first instinct?) but it's utterly unusable. Like trying to play a first generation Gameboy at night. Not gonna happen. I Frankenstein-ed it up to another monitor to extract my precious, precious data and sent it off and was hopeful. I got the call today with the estimate. $978.36. Nine hundred and seventy-eight dollars and thirty-six cents. So that's not going to happen anymore. I am no longer a mobile computer-er.

7. The cat's sinus infection is back so she's kind of broken too.

Hopefully my old computer won't explode when I hit publish. Also, I just remembered how bright and shiny and happy my last post was... Fancy New Kinsley, the Fancy New Manic Depressive.