Recruiting

Besides bleeding profusely, another part of this rotation is observing research coordinators recruit participants for a study at Northwestern. Crazies abound.

Recruiter: Okay, and then you sign here.
Man: Do you mind if I use my pen? It's a fountain pen. It's one of the last vestiges of my bourgeois lifestyle.

Recruiter: (explains the DNA bank)
Woman: I saw a movie on that once! They abducted women and kept them in pods underwater and took their DNA and cloned them! Are you doing cloning?!

Recruiter: Have you ever lived within five miles of a power plant?
Woman: One time I had rats in my house.

Recruiter: Have you ever been exposed to any of these chemicals more than the average person?
Woman: No...
Recruiter: Okay, then-
Woman: One time I was exposed to cat urine.
Recruiter: Oh, uh, that's not really on our list, so-
Woman: I think there should be information on long-term exposures and short-term, substantial exposures.
Me, thinking: How the hell much cat urine are we talking here?
Recruiter: Well, if cat urine was an exposure we'd have a lot more sick people in the hospital!
Woman: Oh, yeah! I work with toxic chemicals.
Recruiter: Okay, what kind?
Woman: Paints. And cadmium.